Conceptualizing “Brown Time”
By Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
My Caucasian friend (I will call her Tabitha here to protect her true identity) married a nice gentleman of South-Asian descent (aliased Arash for this article) a few years ago.
The celebration officially lasted four days in the true South-Asian tradition. Tabitha had asked me to be her Matron-of-Honor. I felt joyous and honored that I was asked to fill in this important role at the most crucial event of her life. The thematic and often-quoted Spider-Man phrase, “With great power comes great responsibility” played on a loop in my brain.
I knew that this role required a lot of commitment on my part as these were big shoes to fill. As a mixed race couple they wanted to have both South-Asian and Caucasian ceremonies to honor their heritage. Tabitha felt I was right for this duty as I knew her intimately where she could voice her opinions in a safe and comfortable environment, yet I was in tune with the South-Asian culture to guide her through the multi-cultural wedding planning phase. She wanted both sides were appropriately and adequately represented.
The photographers hired to commemorate the events were a nice Caucasian couple (mutual friends of both Tabitha and I). We met with the photographers to go over the sequence of events for the four days planned. There were three South-Asian events (Mehndi, Nikah, and the Valima reception) and one white wedding reception on the fourth and last day where only very close family and friends of the couple were invited.
As we went over the details for the wedding I remember Tabitha very clearly telling the photographer repeatedly that the time on the invite for the first three days is 5:30 pm but to follow the “Brown Time.” However, for the final day white wedding reception she emphasized the invitation had the actual time and to be punctual. The photographer couple said they knew what they were doing and will be there as asked. After everything was discussed we were walking the photographer couple out I could not resist but to ask them how exactly did they define “Brown Time.” The photographer couple laughed so loud that Tabitha’s entire house reverberated with the sound of their howl. Tabitha turned fifty shades of red and in that moment she could not look me in the eye.
The photographer couple immediately apologized. I said I was not offended, just confused. The photographer couple said although they were Caucasian their specialty was covering South-Asian, Pakistani, Hindu, Sikh, Chinese, and mixed race weddings. Specific to the Asian culture was the trend of arriving at least 60 to 90 minutes later from the time printed/listed on the invite. An audible sigh of relief escaped my lips as we were not singled out to be the only ones not respecting the invitation time. They said by “Brown Time” they meant anyone outside of non-Caucasian and the term was not to disrespect anyone. It was simply an industry standard lingo where any non-Caucasian ceremony was said to be following brown time.
Everyone who worked in the wedding/event planning business used this term as they did not want to bill their clients for the time they arrived and sat around doing nothing as the guests arrived. They said in the initial days they would go to the wedding venue and waited for two hours before the hosts arrived. That is when they learned that as soon as their services were hired by the soon-to-be bride and groom they would ask them whether or not they should follow brown time up front to avoid any problems later on. Almost every non-Caucasian client immediately said “Brown Time” please. The rationale behind this was that the hosts could not proceed with the event unless the guests arrived and the guests never came on the time of the invite. I am sure almost everyone of Pakistani/South-Asian descent reading this article would have come across this situation at least once.
When writing this article, the fact of the matter was I personally failed in providing a nonpartisan, neutral opinion on the concept of “Brown Time.” Being of South-Asian/Pakistani descent myself I am acclimated to the whole brown time scene and nothing fazes me. Possibly it could be that I am immune to it, socialized in a way that I fail to see the pitfalls associated with it. I only saw blurred lines and gray areas. I needed to bring in an unbiased voice to be able to convey an external point-of-view to my readers. I called Tabitha and provided her with contextual information about my plan of intent to write this article relating to “Brown Time,” then told her how she comes in the picture. Tabitha’s reaction was a loud laugh reminiscent of the photographer couple guffawing over the issue several years ago. I silently thought, “Gee thanks! Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tabitha”. In retrospect perhaps I should just have just disconnected the phone call and continued on with my merry life. But now that I had opened up this Pandora’s box I had to hear her pristine take on “Brown Time.”
Arash and Tabitha had been married for almost a decade by now. Two beautiful kids later Tabitha loved marital life with her devoted husband but in all honesty she still struggled with “Brown Time,” even to this day. She said it had nothing to do with race, it’s just a social attitude people are conditioned with and anyone can experience it at any time. She clarified it could be anyone from her own family who did not arrive on a given time. I quietly asked if we could substitute it with the term “fashionably late” instead of “Brown Time” just to make things politically correct. She lamented 90 minutes to two hours is NOT fashionably late- it is just rude. She said, “…people get to work on time so why can’t they attach the same discipline to social events, Faiza.” I defended with a, “…there is a difference between work and pleasure, Tabitha.” She was not appeased with my explanation. In her eyes fashionably late meant arriving 15-30 minutes after the invite time (maximum), not traipsing in one-and-a-half hour to two hours later expecting red carpet treatment. That’s just not valuing anyone’s time.
Her opinion was that as one ventured past the delicate 25-30-minute mark they had crossed the territory to venture into the murky “Brown Time” waters. In Tabitha’s world you do that to her twice and she will officially designate you as a “brown time” person regardless of your ethnicity. She commented she is on a crusade to fix a systemic issue by giving her guests a polite nudge to convey this message loud and clear – “We will not wait for you if you don’t show up by the invite time!” Tabitha said the trick worked as she started her events on the time, not worrying about who was there and who wasn’t.
I told her that’s not how things worked in my world. Even as I write my concluding remarks here I am unsure if this regiment will fix anything to adhere to the custom of arriving on actual time instead of “Brown Time.” Life goes on!
(Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
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