Family Drama - Royal or Not!
By Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
The world is watching a royal fairytale fall apart as Meghan Markle and Prince Harry make their hasty exit out of British Royalty. The news has gone viral and social media has been trending with buzz words like “Megxit” (synonymous with Brexit).
I am unsure whether the Sussexes planned their exit with Brexit, but the media is having a field day with the unfortunate timing of this bombshell announcement that most of us will live to tell our future generations. For Harry being born a royal, his birth rights determine who he is. As a prince born into British Monarchy, Harry had a pre-existing plethora of responsibilities and privileges, debts and duties, expectations and behaviors he could not defy. His identity and self were never only his. He would always be part of the royal family. Blood ties!
He is defined by an entity that exists beyond and outside himself as an individual. It is almost as if he is a part of franchise. The royal brand that can only co-exist as an extension under the same umbrella. He would always have to pledge allegiance to his country, and to the Monarchy, and the crown. For those of us who walk the earth as commoners this is indeed throwing away the golden spoon he was born with into a fire pit.
There are approximately only 40 monarchies left in the world, which means that Prince Harry is part of a rare ruling class, built on aged ideals regarding tradition and nobility. In times of modernization and advancement the royal family becomes more vulnerable than it ever was. As new family members are added or born, the elders age with the passage of time, and although the royals are determined to preserve traditions as they existed centuries ago, the world outside the gilded gates of Kensington Palace has changed completely. Perhaps the principles, etiquettes, and training Harry received as a child felt outdated or unreasonable as he grew older. As he became more in tune with the world outside he felt himself more detached from his royal roots. Why should birth hold us hostage to who we are and what we do? Whereas in North America we are raised on principles of, “choose whoever or whatever you want to be.” It could perhaps be the conscious choice of choosing a spouse (Meghan) from the other side of the pond (America) that gave him strength to stand up against the conventions of monarchy and announce his independence. Harry and Meghan seem to be attempting to “modernize” the royal-ness out of the monarchy by picking out the parts they don't like, keeping the rest to custom fit their identities where they see suited to their personalities. While a lot of younger people might view this as a form of self-care, the elders/seniors find this behavior self-serving and selfish. It may also feel unjust and frustrating to others within the royal family (like Prince William and Duchess Kate) for whom this sort of unbundling is impossible and on whom the burdens of Harry's exodus will now fall . They also carry the burden of being extraordinarily exemplary in their demeanor after this fallout, where is no room for mistakes anymore.
Let us be honest we all like to creep up on our favorite royals occasionally when we scroll through the media feeds. As Duchess Meghan settles in the serene locale of Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada I got slightly interested in the Royal family drama. Just like any of us earth-walkers we want to keep the family drama to a minimal and out of spotlight as much as possible. I drew parallels as to how a South-Asian family would deal with something like this on a family level minus the royalty part.
In an average Pakistani family as the kids grow up and go through the regular rituals of getting university education and (hopefully) a well-paying job, the next natural step on the horizon for them (as ordained by traditional parents) is marriage for both boys and girls alike. Yes, as a culture embedded in tradition, we do not discriminate on gender when it comes to the “blissfully wedded game.” The pressure possibly comes around the same time for both males and females when they come closer to the end of their post-secondary education whether it is getting through college or university. For those who succumb to traditionalism, the path forages towards finding a potential mate. There is a rocky road for who can deflect the topic of marriage with their parents. But the ones who on their way to getting married or have recently entered into the hunger games of the newlyweds, a whole new set of challenges has to be overcome. How to settle into the new family and what’s the best way to acclimate the new comer (your spouse) into yours? As with most human interactions there is no solid answer to this question. It is a dance that everyone has to participate in and figure out their own choreography routine. Even the royals.
One of our good extremely wealthy friends gave their daughter away to a nice boy just recently. The bride and the groom studied together so they were well adjusted to each other’s families and lives before they got married. The couple decided to venture out on their own and become independent instead of relying on the family money. They have their own house and moved into the new home as a couple. The boy’s family started to vilify the bride with allegations that she has intentions to snatch the son away from the parents. The girl was flabbergasted. This was something her husband had always yearned for - to have a home of his own so he can be independent. The guy is into playing music as a hobby and he wanted to have a music studio set up in his own home. While living with his parents he was respectful of his aging parents and found that he was unable to work on his compositions or invite his band members at his parents’ home. Now with his new wife supporting his ambitions he could pursue his hobbies at his own pace but the wife got the blame, albeit the decision was mutual between the couple. Now we know the royal family is just like any of us. Harry wants to live a normal life and pursue his own dreams independent of his family but Meghan gets the blame to frag him away from his royal roots and his family. It could be Harry’s deeply secretive desire that he was able to express via Meghan who comes from the American independent mindset of, “freely choose who you want to be.”
I read that for these reasons and more, many have applauded Harry and Meghan's decision to "consciously uncouple" from the royals. But even though Harry and Meghan's departure for Canada may not have a huge impact on the crown now, their decision to "opt out" could have huge implications down the line for the precedence it sets. What if, for instance, William and Kate's oldest child, Prince George of Cambridge, pursued a similar tactic? How do you keep the monarchy alive if people can choose how, when, and whether they will accept their birth and all that it entails? Perhaps this is an opportunity for us all to observe and learn.
( (Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
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