By  Mowahid Hussain Shah

August 13, 2021

Reunion

In modern living, transactional connections often supersede old school ties. There is a pattern of meeting people, not because you want to meet, but have to meet for pragmatic needs. Sometimes, pragmatism is carried too far, at the expense of meaningful connections. Its byproduct is being stuck with false friends who, when the train of life becomes derailed, become unstuck.

The degradation of friendship is one of the blights in the West. It compelled British Prime Minister Theresa May to set up a Ministry of Loneliness in 2018.

Technological advancement coexists with spiritual impoverishment.

During summer 2021, it was refreshing to observe a reunion at a small private girls’ college in the American South. It was a rekindling of old bonds. I saw how it gave a sense of belonging to those who, long ago, had shared a small portion of their lives and had not forgotten about it. Noteworthy was it to see how it triggered fund-giving donations from alumnae with no expectations of any reward or return. Laudable is the spirit of volunteerism that permeates American civic life.

I saw those who were not rich but were enriched with friends and a treasured history of shared space. That commonality, continuity, and commitment was visible. There were reminiscences of an important chapter in their history along with gratitude of having made it thus far while marking the loss of those who didn’t. Reunions are an occasion to laugh a little and cry a little.

The existing trajectory is of loosening and fraying of ties. Rediscovery often comes too late. Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative nurse who tended terminal patients and often conversed with them, wrote a 2012 book about it, “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.” She concluded that a top regret of dying patients was in not maintaining friendships: “Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

Instructive was a visit to an on-campus health clinic. What struck me was that its primary thrust was not to cater to physical injuries/ailments; rather, it was to students grappling with mental health problems. I talked to one of the health directors. He told me that depression veering on suicidal thoughts was sufficiently prevalent to cause concern. Suicidal depression is one of the unspoken issues amongst the young in America. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 29 percent of young adults between 18 and 25 suffer with mental illness. It does represent a sociological failure.

Reunions are a good refresher course for rejuvenating the human spirit. Loneliness and social isolation are an epidemic in the West. One is connected by technology yet still disconnected from each other. It ties in with the other epidemic of mass shootings, often by loners, that has been routinized and normalized. It calls for a brutal scrutiny of the dark side of modernity where one can be physically alive but still die a social death.

The smugness and self-conceit of the well-educated is part of the problem. Amongst some, there is a sense that they are smart, know better, with the delusional mythology of being exceptional and indispensable. One can be educated to become bad and remain deficient in decency.

Exceptional has been the damage done by the hubris of the educated elite. 50 years ago, David Halberstam alluded to it in his book, “The Best and the Brightest.” Predictable, then, is repetition of the same mistakes and the persistent pattern of sameness, without the lifting of sights and the vision of excellence.

A recurring criticism heard of American Muslim elites is that, for a large part, it is all mouth. Its great peril is from within. It is not hate, prejudice, or bigotry from outside. It is the indifference within, which fails to bring people together. There is so much human potential being buried without it being harnessed for a common purpose.

Camaraderie is therapeutic. It is to love where you live, along with the commitment to make it better. It is often made better by giving priority to human connections.

 


--------------------------------------------------------------

 

PREVIOUSLY


Election 2004: Decisive but Divisive

Muslim Youth & Kashmir in America

The Big Picture: Wealth without Vision

Oxygen to Global Unrest

Punishing the Punctual

Change without Change

Don’t Be Weak

Passionate Attachment

The Confidence of Youth

The Other Side of Democracy

Campaign of Defamation

Pakistani Women & the Legal Profession

A Pakistani Journey

Farewell to Fazal

Mukhtaran and Beyond

Revamping the OIC

7/7 & After

Nuclear Double-Standard

Return to Racism

Hollywood – The Unofficial Media

The Sole Superpower

The UN at 60

A Slow Motion World War?

Elite vs. Street

Iqbal Today

Macedonia to Multan

Defending our Own

2006 & Maulana Zafar Ali Khan

Error against Terror

The Limits of Power

Cultural Weaknesses

Aggressive at Home, Submissive Abroad

Global Storm

The Farce of Free Expression

The Changing Mood

Condi & India

Xenophobia

Looking inward

Re-Thinking

A Tale of Two Presidents

Close to Home

Flashpoint Kashmir

The Spreading Rage

Confronting Adversity

The Illusion of International Law

Other Side of Extremism

Five Years after 9/11

The Educated Ignorant

The Decline of Humor

Icons

Six Years of Insanity

The War Not Being Fought

Munir Niazi

Compliance & Defiance

Counter-Message

Miscast

The Goddess of Wealth

The Meaning of Moderation

The Tora Bora of Fear

Clash of Civility

The Early Race

Challenge & Response

Will & Skill

Zealotry

Movie-Media and Pakistan

Hug with a Thug

Quest for Integrity

Unconquered

Vanity

Bringing Back the Past

Stuck in Iraq

Islam, Science and the West

Turmoil over Turkey

Leaders versus Leadership

Might Does Not Make Right

Kursi First

Vision & Will

Battle of the Billionaires

Assassination Alley

Extremism and Change

Rosy Expectations

Short-Term Gain, Long-Term Pain

Not Winning

Beyond Baghdad: Five Years after

The Hijab of Democracy

Hate, Fear & Hope

Weapon of Words

Hide N’ Seek

Yanking in the UN

Obama’s Breakthrough

Let Lahore Be Lahore

National Mood & Sports

Flirting with Fire

Trips Abroad

Georgia on the Mind

Duel for the White House

Zia to Zardari

Palestine: Avoiding the Unavoidable 

Not Working 

In the Ring 

Obama’s America

Smiles & Dreams

Quiet Deeds of Good

Crime and Indifference

Journey of Understanding

VIP-hunting

Terror via Counter-Terrorism

Umpires or Vampires?

The Long Road

Yesterday’s Reminder

Appeasement and the Real Threat

Israel’s Washington Agenda

New Challenges

Cairo and Beyond

Re-fighting Old Battles

America ’s Super Villains

Activism in America

Style without Substance

Overcoming Barriers

Ashes to Afghanistan

The Looming Change

Fear and Possibilities

What Is Not Debated 

Hired Guns

Rampage at Fort Hood

Manmohan in Washington

The Long Duel

Green Nukes

Vision and Division

Avoiding Why

Striving to Matter

Shame-proof

Anxiety and Opportunity

Putting Iraq in America

The Right Strategy

Looking Beyond

Rot at the Top

Strategic Folly

Daring & Caring

Over-Stepping on Turkey

Sudan : Perils of Provincialism

Old Fears, New Target

Europe ’s Stain

The US-Pakistan Enigma

The Status Quo Is Unacceptable

9 Years after 9/11

License to Steal

US Muslims at the Crossroads

Tumor of Terror

An Arab Voice

Disastrous Decisions

Double Game

Sticky Wiki

What Quaid Was Not

Money Conspiracy

Pharaohs & Pirates

Greed and Cricket

Change & Challenge  

Forty Years after 1971

Abandoning Our Own

Rewarding Failure

Osama and Obama

Tsunami of Tolerance

Representation and Presentation

Meek and Weak

Change or the Same?

No Easy Exit

Nation to Non-Nation

10 Years after 9/11

Shining India?

Big Power, Small Politics

Rule of the Gun

Proxy of the Powerful

Fight for Fairness

Republican Race

Actors or Directors

Speaking out

Professional Sycophants

More Provinces?

Too Much Information

Soft Separation

Soft Poison

Unemployment & Over-Population

Seize the Day

The Arab Awakening

Ben Bella

At University of Gujrat

Good People Behaving Badly

Playing Over-Smart

Do Less

Resisting the Resistible

Performance, Not PR

Home-grown Havoc

Salutation to the 65 th Year

Plague of Provincialism

USA Elections 2012

Rage

Fight or Flight

Rift and Drift

Obama II

Me and We

Small Role or Small Actors?

On Losing

Who Will Guard the Guards?

Loyal to Their Loot

Prevail or Fail

Perceptions and Reality

Toll of Occupation

Re-think, Re-examine, and Self-correct 

The Washington Tribe

Voice and Vision

Moral Slump

Wall of Illusion

Under One Banner

Bitter Harvest

Gallows and the Throne

Scent of Power

At a Standstill

Leaders and Leadership

The Deadline

Fighting Darkness

Distant Connections

Governance: The Long View

Discussion in DC

Darkness in the Mind

Killing Kennedy and Liaquat Ali

Yahya Khan Speaks on 1971

Quaid & Xmas in Washington

150 Years of FC College

Tyranny of Money

50 Years of Ali

A Dose of Truth

Little Guy, Big Impact

A Reassessment in Washington

Crimea & Kashmir

Democracy or Oligarchy?

Afghan Elites: Blaming Pakistan

Pitfalls of Intervention

Arabs in America

Never Give up

German Journey

Tyranny of Today

Manipulating Language

March & Match

Destroyers

Out of Darkness

Modi in America

Awareness or Fairness?

Mideast Maze

Easy Scapegoats

Freedom to Insult

Journey of Recovery

Mental Colonialism

Letters from a Grandfather

Power Imbalance

Discord and Division

Colloquium at Capitol Hill

Washington Lauds Gharib Nawaz

Balkan Lessons

Pivot from the Mideast

American Campus & Mideast Turmoil

Muslim Father; Two Americans

Challenging Fear

Victim Mentality

X & Ali

Fake Democracy?

Irresponsible Passivity

Erosion of Ethics

Dragon of Hate

Extreme in the Mainstream

Ugly Times

Pakistani Summer in England

Speaking Haq

At the Oval

Britain Beware

East in West

Trump Turmoil

Tiny Nation, Towering Figure

Realities: 2016

End of an Innings

Trumped

Embarrassment to America

Dishonest Media

Purana Pakistan

Media Unleashed

Mental Walls

Quarantining Qatar

Vizier or Fakir

70 Not Out

70th in Washington

England in September

White Rage

Daughter of the Quaid

Overstay

Fighting for Pakistan

Confronting the Barriers

Battleground Africa

Low Goals

Mental Pollution

Inside Europe

Washington in Disarray

Departures

Freedom’s Burden

Japan Journey

Possessed by Possessions

Fairness, Not Favors

Post-Election Vibes

Once Hate Is Unleashed

Paisa & Politics

South Sudan/South Punjab

Pakistani Progress

At American University

England in October

Out of the Shadows

Miseducation

Addiction to Failure

Adulation & Humiliation

American Vice

Choices

White to Brown

Conversation with a Statesman

Modi Musings

Kiwi Carnage

D-Day ‘75

Hotel Mumbai

Omar & Ali

Game Changer

At the Easternmost

Cultural Self-Awareness

Cricket Fever

Fading Lights

New Wounds, OldMindset

Canterbury in August

Division & Deceit

Yukon Yonder

Role Models in Our Midst

Say Something; Do Something Else

National Outlook

Twin Tasks

Breaking the Bondage

Leaders Who Endure

Darkness Within

Unsung

80 Years After

Art & Heart

Afghan-on-Afghan

In the Same Boat

Reflect & Connect

Education Is Overrated

Expect the Unexpected

Rigged

Crisis Within a Crisis

Facing Uncomfortable Facts

X & Ali

Doctor from East

Moral Beacon

Invisible Lives

Biden’s Choice

Diversity vs Conformity

Deadly Summer

Raw Deal

Corona and Karma

America vs America

X Factor

A Builder Departs

Dark Journey

Humans Behaving Unlike Humans

Transcending Tribalism

Distrust

Imprisoned

Gun Crazy

Adrift in America

Reckoning & Re-examining

Catastrophe

Unbowed

Magical Moments & Reflections

Small Country, Big Footprint

Doomed Empire

Speaking Haq


2001

 

Editor: Akhtar M. Faruqui
© 2004 pakistanlink.com . All Rights Reserved.