Marriage and Family Life in Islam
Some Comments on Proposition 8 and Domestic Violence
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ {الروم 21)
And among His signs is this that He created spouses for you from among yourselves to live with them in tranquility, and He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect. (Al-Rum 30:21)
In the Qur’an the word ‘zauj’ is used for a pair or couple. In the inanimate things ‘zauj’ could be ‘a pair of the same thing.’ (13:3; 55:52) However, among the animate beings whether animals or humans ‘zauj’ is never used for a pair of the same beings. Among the humans and animals ‘zauj’ means ‘a couple or a pair of two opposite genders.’ (53:45; 75:39)
The Qur’an is very explicit that marriage is only between a male and a female. (Polygamy was permissible in earlier scriptures such as Old and New Testaments. (See Old Testament: Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:15 and New Testament: Matthew 5:17-18) The Qur’an, however, allowed it with some rules and restrictions and one can say that it is generally discouraged according to the Qur’an. See 4:3 and 4:129)
The Qur’an describes marriage in the following terms:
- Allah created one being and from it created its mate (zauj), (4:1).
- Adam and his wife (zauj) – they were of two different genders, not of the same sex (2:35; 7:19; 20:117).
- Most explicit is: “It is He who created you from one soul, and from it made its mate so that he might find comfort in her; when one of them lies with his wife and she conceives a light burden…” (7:189)
- Husband and wife are created for each other for comfort, love and compassion, (30:21).
- Husband and wife have duties towards each other and Allah will question them about their relations. (4:1)
There is no example in the Qur’an of a marriage union among the people of the same gender. Islam prohibits homosexuality as it prohibits fornication and adultery. Thus Islam also prohibits marriage between the people of the same gender. The Qur’an in several places has referred to the story of the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, the people among whom Prophet Lot – peace be upon him- was sent. The Qur’an clearly says that the People of Lot were involved in lustful relations between males and males. It is not mentioned explicitly that their women were also involved in the same sin. Prophet Lot’s wife is, however, mentioned in the Qur’an as the one who did not fully support her husband or she might have been secretly involved in homosexual behavior. Prophet Lot told his people, “You lust after men rather than women! You transgress all bounds!” (7:81) “Do you lust after men instead of women? What fools you are!” (27:55) “Do you, unlike other people, lust after males, and abandon the wives that Allah has created for you? You are exceeding all bounds.” (26:165-166). It is mentioned in several places in the Qur’an that Allah destroyed the townships of Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstones because of their sins, especially homosexual transgressions.
On the basis of these verses the consensus (ijma’) of the Muslim jurists is that Sodomy (liwatah) is forbidden in Islam. As far as the prohibition (tahrim) is concerned, there is no difference between the casual or long-term homosexuality.
In our contemporary society there are some who say that there are some people who are homosexual by orientation and there are some others who are by preference. It is said that homosexual orientation is something in born, unchangeable and natural and the homosexual preference is something changeable and chosen. Thus the question is raised that if a person is born with ‘homosexual orientation’ which he/she cannot change, then what should that person do? Our position is that this is a hypothesis and not an undisputable scientific fact. Secondly, we say that not all sexual orientations are permissible in Islam. For example incest is not allowed, however strong the love or inclination may be. Same-sex intercourse is not Allah’s will. Those who have this desire should control it. Sexual behavior must be within the bounds prescribed by our Creator. Any desires, inclinations or orientations outside Allah’s rules should not be expressed in action. Those who have illicit desires should control them with more worship and devotion to Allah.
Changing the Definition of Marriage
Many states within the United States are now trying to redefine “marriage” from a union only between a man and a woman to include same gender union also (referred to as gay marriage). In California earlier this year (2008), four activist judges based in San Francisco overturned the age old human tradition by legalizing same-sex marriage. This decision, if not changed, will have far-reaching consequences. In public schools, for example, it is part of the curriculum to teach children, starting with KG, about the role of marriage in society. Now the teachers will be required to teach students that gay marriage is the same as traditional marriage. By saying that a marriage is between “any two persons,” the Court decision has opened the door to any kind of “marriage.” This would mean that a man can marry his son, a mother can marry her daughter and other types of deviations. This undermines the value of marriage and family altogether at a time when we should be restoring marriage, not undermining it.
Proposition 8 on your ballot on November 4 says “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” Muslim voters should know their responsibility what to say on this ballot. We should also tell our neighbors and co-workers what is right and good for the society.
Domestic Violence Awareness
October is also a National Domestic Violence Awareness month. It is emphasized that we make the families aware of the evil consequences of violence within the family relations. Domestic violence is a disease and it affects not only the families, but the communities. The targets of domestic violence are generally women. In America it is mentioned that 92% of the violence committed at home is by men towards women. It is very important that we Muslims become aware of this disease and protects ourselves and our families from it.
Domestic violence is a major cause of family breakup. Some Muslim men justify this by claiming that it is permissible in Islam. They misunderstand and abuse the verse 34 of Surah al-Nisa’. Allah does not allow any family violence or abuse. On the contrary, the Qur’an teaches that husband should treat his wife kindly; and men and women should respect each other. If there are any problems and difficulties they should be resolved with care and in a peaceful manner. Allah says,
....وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيراً {النساء 19}
….Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind. If you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something, and Allah may put in it a great deal of good. (Al-Nisa’ 4:19)
The Prophet –peace be upon him- said,
لَقَدْ طَافَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ نِسَاءٌ كَثِيرٌ يَشْكُونَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ لَيْسَ أُولَئِكَ بِخِيَارِكُمْ (أبو داؤد 1834)
Many women visited the family of Muhammad complaining the mistreatment of their husbands. (Those who mistreat their wives) they are not the good people among you. (Abu Da’ud, 1834)
May Allah – subhanahu wa ta’ala – guide us to preserve marriage institution and keep our homes as fortresses of love, compassion, care and kindness. May Allah bless us and bless the humanity and save us from any problems and difficulties in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.
(Khutbah at ISOC – Shawwal 24, 1429/ October 24, 2008)
